Lawyers...don't they have anything better to do with their time?

A couple of weeks ago I lent a DVD of 'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy' (see pic below) to Amy who is the 'Amy' from my best Australian friends 'Amy and Robert' aka 'Robert and Amy'. If you don't know who they are then check out their new Australian blog here.



Amy is a very clever media lawyer who is currently working for one of the major TV channels in Sydney. A couple of months ago I might have accidentally had 'one of my rants' at her about how annoying it is when lawyers use words such as "erstwhile" and "therewith" as if it was their own language, knowing that nobody else (and possibly even other lawyers) really knows what these word conjunctions mean! It's almost as bad as the railways signalling industry in which I work where we have an absolute passion for acronyms [Note: Most are not strictly acronyms, but abbreviations, if you are being picky!] such as AWS, ERTMS, ETCS, TISP, TORR, HST, PSR, TSR, ATO, ATP, TPWS, AL, HR, DR, SR, TPR, TC, AC, POL, OL, etc, etc.

So anyway, having forgotten both the above mentioned incidents (the lending of the DVD and the rant), I was surprised to receive some mail this morning, especially as it arrived in a Channel 9 official envelope! Enclosed was the DVD along with a letter, I'll let you read it for yourselves (mainly because I can't be arsed to publish a recording of me reading it aloud), but suffice to say it had me in hysterics.



I guess this is proof that if Lawyers used their intellectual powers for good (e.g. comedy) and not evil (i.e. being a Lawyer), then the world could be a much funnier place.

Lack of Blog activity!

Sorry children but it's just been so busy here, what with a Friday bank holiday (Australia Day), there was so much drinking to be done that I've not even switched my PC on, let alone thought about blogging. I'll make every effort to try and add some detail here about what I've been up to over the weekend but right now I need to catch up on some of the 18 hours of sleep I misplaced over the last 3 nights.

PS: On a totally unrelated topic: Why is it that most people I know can only name one, or two at the most, jokes? Why does nobody bother to remember a good joke? Did people remember more jokes in years gone by before the internet and mobile phones?

This is why I wanted to move to another culture

Australia day...wow! Why don' we have an UK day back home? The atmosphere was amazing here. The best bit had to be the Sydney Ferry Race - all the state owned ferries have a race to see which is fastest! Could you imagine something like that in England? Didn't think so! In England, somebody would point out that the ferry with the best power to weight ratio will win every year and therefore it is a pointless exercise.

On Compact Kahler Manifolds with Positive Ricci Curvature

Hello,

Just a quick post today, nothing hideous or perfidious but flowers are often chalmydeous and if one is fastidious one will not be insidious, odious nor Asmodeus (Jewish prince of demons).

My blog posts will rhyme a lot more now I am the proud owner of a rhyming dictionary.

What am I up too...reading the paper by Shoshichi Kobyashi on the title of this post. It is a paper that says that curved space can't contain holes (is simply connected)

Gringo Conjecture: It could be possibly to remove Kahler from the title and replace with even-dimensional (c.f. the theorem of Synge)...this is what I will be working on this week.

The French guys are hogging the bandwith here by playing a war game over the internet. Basically they mince around with guns until another player (probably a German) shoots them. Fortunately I have no treaty obligations with them and am happy to let the virtual slaughter continue for the time being. I also found out that the herbal ('erbal) tea one of them collected from his back garden and illegally smuggled into the country is actually listed as poisenous by a number of gardening books...so the new English word they learnt today was 'Fuckwit'.

Meet the family

Well I might have mentioned some of these people before on NMW but I think it is now time that they show their faces.


Here's Mel, the crazy girl who agreed to let me share a house with her, a decision she's regretted ever since. Mel's my adopted Mum while I'm away from England and I in turn take the role (involuntarily) as her 'test child'.


And here is our other housemate, Jo. We got to pick her from a raft of potential applicants (much like choosing a pet) after Amanda (her predecessor) failed to return from Vietnam with enough money to pay the rent. Jo cooks cake for our birthdays, therefore we love her.


Our neighbours. The girls from across the street. Think I might be scaring them off one by one as only Bridie (far right) is remaining. I will post a picture of her replacement housemate Matt and their new (as yet unnamed) housemate as soon as I take a picture of them!


Not really family, but here is a picture from the Christmas holiday. Jo and Colin (one of my few Australian friends) on the left and George and Mrs George on the right. George used to have to sit next to me at work in the UK, but despite this still chose to come and visit me for his Christmas holidays. Evidently I must be a great person to share a cubicle with if he's come this far for a hit of Nurton company!

So Sydney then...time for some pictures you all will have seen before!

I thought I should post some pictures that I took when I first arrived in Sydney, Australia seven months ago. Obviously the place is amazingly beautiful, but remember, the most amazing thing is that these photos were taken in the DEPTHS of a Sydney winter.


Of course the one "must see" in this city has to be the harbour bridge. It is as good in real life as it looks in the picture and even with travelling across it every day on the train I think it is impossible to become nonchalant with the magnificence of the engineering.


If anybody tells you that the best way to see Sydney is to get on a ferry - believe them. It's fantastic. As with the bridge, again it’s a journey you will never tire of. Here is a view of the main ferry terminal into the CBD - Circular Quay.


No pictorial diary of Sydney would be complete without a picture of the singing house.


The harbour is always alive with colour. One day I promise myself I will learn to sail.


In my opinion the best beach in Sydney - Manly.


More manly! Well I don't hear anyone complaining!

Mysterious Girl

Hello,

I'm Nurton's new blog-buddy now that we've got rid of that frightful tosser Kendrick.

I am alledgedly 4.3 times as funny as Kendrick was, but also 1.06 times more racist. I can type 2.34 words a minute more than him but eat a whopping 6.7 times more Stilton over any 6 month period.

Enough stats - let me tell you all about my day:

In my spare time I am training to write childrens books. I attended today my class at the adult education center in Lambeth.

Many succesful children's books are based on an animal that somehow trancends its place in the food chain and defeats evil. I am writing "Pavel the Wonderswan" aimed at the 5-6 year old "post-teletubby, pre-HarryPotterisahugecrockofshit market" It is based on an adventure book format where the reader decides on how Pavel should act in certain situations and thus determines the story.

From Chapter 17

Well done children, you have succesfully negotiated the divorce courts. Pavel is now divorced from Mindy the Beaver and he doesn't have to pay child support for Adolf, Mertron (and Sibloh Neviny the 3rd if you agreed that Pavel and Mindy should adopt a starving African water vole in chapter 12)

What does Pavel do next?

If Pavel goes down the pub where Sharon the easy Rabbit hangs out turn to page 203
If Pavel decides to drink the contents of his cleaning cabinet turn to page 1222 (the last page)
If Pavel decides that he has been living a lie and decides to become a Cowboy turn to the chapter "BrokeBack Pavel"

I think I'm onto a winner
GG

NYRaE update!

Half a month into 2007 and I think it is time for a brief update on my 10 New Years Resolutions and Endeavours

- I have not eaten from the sweetie box. I think this will be the hardest one to keep. My brain needs M&Ms to operate!
- I have cycled to work once. Bloody scary what with a few 60kph downhill section and the NSW road surfaces which can only be described as 'third world'. Will try to ride twice next week to make up for only doing it once this week.
- Had a late birthday BBQ last night and a girl called Anthea turned up - what a coincidence hey!?! I got her number - so half way there! Just gotta get myself some man courage and phone her now, although that could be tricky....rejection, rejection, rejection!!!!!
- Been exercising far too much.
- Others all going well.

Will keep the updates coming, but if you have any advice please tell!

Christmas 2006 - in the bush (well nearly)

We had Christmas all planned out. We (Robert, Amy and myself) would go cycle camping in the Blue Mountains, a hilly range about 2 hours west of Sydney.

The only problem was that we hadn't planned. Nothing, not one finger was lifted by Nurton. So with 3 days to go, Amy took a look at a MAP! Well to our surprise we found that there was only ONE paved road in the mountains and that was the main trunk road, not exactly the kind of place you want to be taking a nice relaxing Christmas day ride. Also all the nice campsites were only accessible by 4X4 and we had road bikes.

So Christmas was cancelled. Cue Jo, my wonderful flatmate who phoned her parents and told them to cook for at least two extra people (i.e. me!).

Her parents live about one hour drive north of Sydney on the coast, on the bit of land opposite Palm Beach (think Home and Away). Their lovely house was set back slightly into the bush but as it was on a hill still had fab views of a harbour. Due to too many Grandchildren (not Jo's!), I was assigned to sleeping in the VW combi (read 'camper') van outside. This is freighting for two reasons: Obviously there are the snakes and spiders etc that you would expect, but there is also the other more unexpected fear of bush turkey attach. Yes.... much to my surprise, the Australian outback is inhabited by wild turkeys! Crazy but strangely apt at Christmas time.

We did two very Australian things: We cooked an entire Turkey (not wild) on a BBQ. While it was cooking and I was thinking about its inevitable raw innards I couldn't help but ask my lovely hosts where the nearest hospital was. How rude of me, especially as it turned out to be one of the tastiest turkeys I ever had! We then had carols by glow stick. They used to have carols by candle light until a few years ago when a small child dropped their candle outside the church and caused a small bush fire.

We went for a walk along the coast on Christmas day, again very Aussie. Here are some pictures.


Some very cool rock formations. Well, I think they are cool.


One Nurton complete with sun protection hat. A must for all Poms.

In the evening we went to Jo's parent’s favourite rock. (It's OK, they know they are mad for having a favourite rock.) We enjoyed beers and nuts and watched the sunset. Here are some more pictures....


From left to right - Mr Jo, Mrs Jo and Jo.


Those with a keen eye will spot the small Jurassic beast that was resting on the rock below ours.


The view South towards Palm Beach and ultimately Sydney.


Needless to say, I invited myself back for next Christmas. It was super!

So how did I get here?

It's occurred to me over the last couple of weeks that there are so many untold stories of my life since I left this blog to mind itself.

So, lets take it back a bit and have a look at my favourite adventure since I left the UK for foreign shores.

I decided to take a 24 break en route to Australia in Hong Kong, firstly so that I had the chance of being on a Cathay Pacific flight as my university friend Elkie now works as a sexy air hostess for them. And secondly I didn't rate my chances of not being sent back to the UK soon for bad behaviour, so I thought I better make the most of my travels east.

Unexpectedly, I didn't just have an enjoyable day in Hong Kong, I had a truly unique experience, which was so much more than I was expecting. Here are some of the photos I took:-


From what I understand this is fairly typical now in Hong Kong. What with the Chinese factories just over the border chucking out huge amounts of pollution and the valley like location of Hong Kong, smog is now a permanent fixture on the HK skyline, however, it does add some kind of unique atmosphere to the place which is quite unlike anywhere I have ever been before.


The infamous (in HK) IFC2 tower. My wonderful guide for the day, Helena, managed to convince the anti terrorist guides at the ground floor of the tower, that I wasn't a terrorist. Amazingly (I don't know why I think amazingly) they believed her! We got the first lift to level 42 which was just before the cloud level. I did take a photo but unfortunately the ultra tinted glass meant that all that can be seen is a lovely, blurred, picture of my rather jet lagged face.


As real estate space is at an absolute premium in the centre of HK they have had to adopt a few rather radical, and many including myself would say rather foolhardy, planning methods to counteract this problem. Here we see a picture of one of HK's most import historical buildings. However it was situated bang smack in the middle of the CBD, and they couldn't have that, so they picked it up, brick by brick. Took it over a hill to the other side of the island and rebuilt it. Marvellously stupid (In my opinion!)


Another method of saving space is to make people live on top of each other. There are loads of tower blocks like this in HK and it seems impossible to count the number of apartments there are in each one, but one should note that even if you only own (or rent) 3 cubic metre of space in the world, everybody makes sure they still have enough money to buy an AC unit.
A very kind family friend of mine let me borrow her sister-in-law's apartment which was in one of these huge towers. My flat was on the 34th floor. There was only one small lift and a stair case that was also used as a storage space. Believe me when I say you don't get much sleep, jet lagged and with the knowledge that there is no real fire escape despite the fact their are a million and one people below you, each with a huge wok or burning oil. Scary! Very!


A typical street view in HK. I loved the hustle and bustle. You need a brolly though as it rains every other hour like clock work. Luckily most big shops have little machines at the entrance, where you place your soaking umbrella and it automatically covers it with a plastic bag tube. I couldn't help but think that if such a device (slightly modified) was introduced to certain Northern England cities, the rate of STDs would be sure to drop.


I love this picture. I sent it onto all the safety goons who worked in my office in the UK. They would surely go mad if they saw what goes on here!


Here we see a picture of the Cable car that they are building. From what I could understand, it doesn't actually go anywhere and it's the longest and technically most complex one in the world. When I asked why, they said, "Because we can" - fair enough!


Finally my day ended with a lovely Chinese meal with my hosts. When we exited the restaurant a huge thunder storm broke out. This picture doesn't really do it justice, but the rain was EPIC and the sound......well I've never heard anything like it, nor will I probably ever again. In short - ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

So in conclusion - go to HK - it's great!

A sad day for British history

I have just read this article (clicky) about the Little Chef chain of quality road side restaurants.

What a sad way to start the New Year. The Little Chef is a true British Institution. It might have been shit, but that's not the point. I always like the fact that their entire kitchen only consisted of deep fat fryers. Class.

As Bill Bailey once wisely said....."The little Chef's were built thousands of years ago on Ley Lines. Only in the last few hundred years did the roads come along and connect them up."

Birthday Competition!

That's right, it's my birthday. Congratulation me!

I'm 24 years old, which according to one card I received this morning, is when life begins. Sounds good then! What experiences did other people have when turning 24, leave a comment and tell me!

So, Bandick has insisted for a while now that I start another competition and I've agreed to finally give in. However it may not necessarily have the same competitive edge as NMW competitions of years gone by due largely to the fact that probably only two people still read this.

Anyway, so what is it? Well Bandick suggested an idea, which I think is a good one (and most importantly means I don't need to think one up myself). So take a look at the post below (from the 1st Jan 2007) and guess how many of my NYRaE (New Year's Resolutions and Endeavours) I will succeed in achieving by 31st December 2007. You also need to successfully name one by name that I will complete and one by name that I will have failed already by the end of January.

Normal NMW rules apply.....entries in a comment....blah blah blah.

Prize: A picture of Marvin at the beach and a packet of the only true great thing that Australia produces.... Tim Tams! Yum Yum!

Merry 2007 everybody

Having spent the week before Christmas drafting my New Year's Resolutions and Endeavours for 2007 instead of working, I think they are now ready for publication:

1) Learn to cook. Must learn at least 10 different complex dishes (Delia, Jamie or Rhodes).
2) Never indulge in the sweetie box at work.
3) Kiss a girl called Anthea, or similar.*
4) Gym twice a week on average over every month.
5) Cycle to work (48km round trip) one day a week on average every month.
6) No fast food. 1 take away per fortnight allowed.
7) Do GMAT test and possibly apply for MBA.
8) Always be nice to people who aren't me.
9) Get a promotion.
10) Blog at least twice a week.

* I have rather foolishly said that my housemates (both female), Jo and Mel, can be in charge of ruling how the word similar in #3 is to apply, i.e. whether it applies to the subject name or verb.

I did a list like this at the beginning of 2005 and actually managed to complete maybe 4 out of the 10, which is better than 0 out of 0!

Finally, I guess this counts for one post this week already! Woo Hoo!