No more rumours..... I've had it up to here!
Obviously what with Now magazine and other top gossip mags reporting on apparent events in my life I feel it is time I set the record straight.
Yes, one* of the rumours is true, I've gone and obtained myself a real life Aussie girlfriend. How exciting is that? Unbelievably (and I've already demonstrated how shallow I am by explaining this to her) she meets every one of my perfect girlfriend requirements:-
1.) Must be exceedingly** beautiful
2.) Must have been on the cast of Neighbours
3.) Must be exceedingly** sexy
OK, so she doesn't quite meet number 2 but she comes damn close as she is good friends with the Actor who used to place Mal (Susan and Karl's son). But to be honest all I ever wanted to achieve with requirement number 2 was to meet somebody who could give me "an in" with the production crew so I could show them some of my future script ideas and I think being introduced to an old star of the show could just be the subtle approach I need.
Oh and as well as meeting my three requirements, Vanessa has also got a lovely personality so I guess that's a little advantage too! She also unexplainably seems to like me too, which now I think about it is quite a bonus!
But don't worry dear readers I will ensure this new lady in my life will not stop me from blogging. In fact Vanessa is actually already a big fan of NMW, and I quote; "I really like reading your blog", so this must mean we are well suited as every other friend of mine who has ever read this blog has normally described it as a crock of shit.
Also as Bandick has already pointed out I will indeed loose all my readers if this becomes a ‘relationship’ blog, so therefore I promise normal service will be resumed from now on, but at least now you will all know who I am talking about when I refer to the mystery Vanessa.
Note: I am a little worried that my posh Prince William accent I am putting on to woo her might slip soon. Will she reject me the?... For sure, I think the answer is yes. Must get back to practising being English in front of the mirror!
* The other rumours are certainly not true!
** Does this make her sounds like a Mr Kipling cake!? I hope not, she is far classier!
Yes, one* of the rumours is true, I've gone and obtained myself a real life Aussie girlfriend. How exciting is that? Unbelievably (and I've already demonstrated how shallow I am by explaining this to her) she meets every one of my perfect girlfriend requirements:-
1.) Must be exceedingly** beautiful
2.) Must have been on the cast of Neighbours
3.) Must be exceedingly** sexy
OK, so she doesn't quite meet number 2 but she comes damn close as she is good friends with the Actor who used to place Mal (Susan and Karl's son). But to be honest all I ever wanted to achieve with requirement number 2 was to meet somebody who could give me "an in" with the production crew so I could show them some of my future script ideas and I think being introduced to an old star of the show could just be the subtle approach I need.
Oh and as well as meeting my three requirements, Vanessa has also got a lovely personality so I guess that's a little advantage too! She also unexplainably seems to like me too, which now I think about it is quite a bonus!
But don't worry dear readers I will ensure this new lady in my life will not stop me from blogging. In fact Vanessa is actually already a big fan of NMW, and I quote; "I really like reading your blog", so this must mean we are well suited as every other friend of mine who has ever read this blog has normally described it as a crock of shit.
Also as Bandick has already pointed out I will indeed loose all my readers if this becomes a ‘relationship’ blog, so therefore I promise normal service will be resumed from now on, but at least now you will all know who I am talking about when I refer to the mystery Vanessa.
Note: I am a little worried that my posh Prince William accent I am putting on to woo her might slip soon. Will she reject me the?... For sure, I think the answer is yes. Must get back to practising being English in front of the mirror!
* The other rumours are certainly not true!
** Does this make her sounds like a Mr Kipling cake!? I hope not, she is far classier!
posted by Nurton at 10:05 PM
7 Comments:
Wow Moley Im almost speachless... You are so sweet. But I total agree I am lovely and incredibly beautiful... But you forgot to say I am super amazingly inteligent as well... Cough... ahem...
But then I think you are "pretty ok" too, meeting at least 3 of my boy requirements:-
1.) Makes me laugh and is just a brilliant person and super hot.
2.) Has a posh prince William accent.
3.) Wants to use me for my vague connection to someone who used to be on Neighbours.
Just promise me we NEVER have to go to the Brisbane Maritime Museum again.
Vanessa (formerly known as Anonymous Distracting Good Thing)
xxx
PS What is a Mr Kipling Cake?
Great, glad you liked it! See below for Kipling explaination....
Mr Kipling is a brand of cakes, pies and baked goods widely marketed in the United Kingdom. The trademark is owned by RHM (Rank Hovis McDougal).
In 1967, at a time when cakes were more often bought from local bakers, the company introduced cakes of a local baker's standard to supermarkets. With advertising featuring the phrase exceedingly good cakes, the company had become the brand leader in the UK by 1976, a position it still holds 31 years later. Since then, the company has also marketed varieties of single-serving and individually wrapped cakes.
The Mr Kipling brand name comes from an Irish baker, Mr Seamus Kipling who lived in London.[citation needed]
Mr Kipling apple piesMr Kiplings Cakes are made by the RHM subsidiary known as Manor Bakeries Ltd. which also produces products under the Lyon's and Cadbury names. The Cadbury cakes are produced under licence from Cadbury Schweppes plc the owners of the brand name.
Ahhhhh Right... Must be a strange English thing.
In Australia we just say "Hey Cobber wrap your laughing gear around this Lamington, crikey its grouse mate!" none of this oh please have a slice of this exceedingly good cake.
But thank you very much for the concise description.
V
x
I'm so happy for you both, but mostly because the distraction led Nurton to not blog 2x a week, which was one of the resolutions I had known he could not keep. So, mostly, I'm happy for me.
It's because I haven't called isn't it...you've gone and run off with someone else. I'm going to ring you over Easter or at least email (money is a bit tight)...I need pictures, a C.V., views on Jeremy Clarkson, CRB check...
Hope to hear all the gossip soon
GOnzo
Pictures, CV, Views on Jeremy Clarkson & a CRB Check... ummm you are very demanding.
Pictures: Noel only has naked ones of me so far and I'm not really up for those being published as he didn't get my best side. Imagine the most sexy attractive woman you have ever seen then decrease that by say 99% and you will have a good representation of what i look like. Have you seen Shrek? Just jokes... I'm totally hot you should see me! woof
CV: I am a Tax Accountant. I am currently doing my Masters in Commerce. I used to be an Actor. My hobbies at present are picking the lint out of my belly button for my collection, drinking beer and long walks on the beach at dusk.
Jeremy Clarkson: Born 11 April 1960 in Doncaster England. Motoring journalist i believe. Not very well know in Australia. I find him strangely sexually alluringly. Don't tell Mole.
CRB: No criminal activity ever officially recorded...why what have you heard?
Is that enough information?.
Vanessa
You seem to know a lot about the Clarsekson - Noel likes him I think of him as: to hesitate when around a ship (6).
I don't need naked photos nor photos at all in fact. If Noel (Mole???) likes you then I approve - except in the case that you are Jeremy Clarkson, obviously.
Actorounatant v.good: you can presumably count which means you qualify for me explaining my 'theories' to you.
You're Australian - de facto a criminal I'm afraid.
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