Nurton Begins
So what have I been doing since Friday night? Well on Saturday morning I found myself awake after only 2 hours sleep so decided a gentle day was in order. I packed my book (Neither Here Nor There - Bill Bryson), my sun cream, my sun glasses and headed down into town. On the way I picked up a Saturday Time which now contains a Samurai Su Doku, this is a Su Doku for adults. I found a spot in the sun on the cathedral green, creamed myself up and set about spending the morning reading the paper and attempting the hardest yet most enjoyable Su Doku puzzle in the world.
In the afternoon I took the opportunity to explore the arts and crafts market that was on the other side of the green as part of the Exeter Festival. I'm not much interested in 'arts and crafts', in fact I can't think of a bigger waste of ties and dyes but there were some interesting stalls, such as those selling artistic photographs (an interest of mine) and those selling fudge (also an interest of mine). I also purchased a few bits and bobs for my Mother's birthday which is next week. I then spent 20 minutes (by accident) captivated by the Punch and Judy show that was put on for the under 5's. I hid myself at the back of the crowd amongst the other parents and giggled away like a little school girl until I felt that my parental impostor status might be discovered and slipped away.
On Sunday I headed back to the Cathedral green for another day of sun bathing and discovered that my ankles had been burnt (more like incinerated) yesterday. After completing the Su Doku from the day before I set about reading my book. I have read it before 4 years ago but enjoyed it so much that I thought I would re-read it. I normally only ever read about 15 - 20 books a year so I don't often get the time to re-read books, but this one is worth it. It may not be Bill's finest travel guide but the humour is in a different class from any of his other books. It truly is a laugh-out-loud piece of literature that make other people who are sat around you turn around and look at you or in extreme circumstances (such as when Bill is writing about the French) can induce them into enquiring whether there is a number they can phone to get the hospital to come and take you home. Reading it in a public place is probably not an activity recommended for the shy or image conscious.
So I had managed two days of overdraft stabilising money free days. I will try and keep this up. If I carry on like this, £400 might last me until Christmas.
On Monday morning Phil came up to my room wearing a rather worried look on his face. Our conversation went something like this....
Me: Hello
Phil: Did you put anything....well....embarrassing..... in the dustbin?
Me: Don't think so
Phil: Because I've just been to take the bin in (it should have been emptied on Monday mornings) and they hadn't collected the rubbish. I did notice that there was some strange shit in it.
Me: Strange shit....*thinks* no not me. What did you find?
Phil: Well the weirdest thing was a candy thong
Me: *thinks*..... no defo not mine.
Phil: I'd hoped not.
Me: Must be our chavo neighbours.
Phil: probably
Me: (thinks) Probably?????
How weird is that. A few things seem out of place:
1.) I am 100% certain that above mentioned thong was not mine and 99% sure that it was not Phil's, so it must have been put there by one of our neighbours. Which begs the question, why would you put something so embarrassing in your neighbours bin?
2.) If it was and edible thong then why is it in the bin??? Do you think it has a sell by date?
I spent the afternoon in Belmont park trying to revise for my professional exams which are in October (dedicated aren't I!). In the evening I went to see Batman Begins which was rather good fun. His batmobile is very cool. I want one of those!
In the afternoon I took the opportunity to explore the arts and crafts market that was on the other side of the green as part of the Exeter Festival. I'm not much interested in 'arts and crafts', in fact I can't think of a bigger waste of ties and dyes but there were some interesting stalls, such as those selling artistic photographs (an interest of mine) and those selling fudge (also an interest of mine). I also purchased a few bits and bobs for my Mother's birthday which is next week. I then spent 20 minutes (by accident) captivated by the Punch and Judy show that was put on for the under 5's. I hid myself at the back of the crowd amongst the other parents and giggled away like a little school girl until I felt that my parental impostor status might be discovered and slipped away.
On Sunday I headed back to the Cathedral green for another day of sun bathing and discovered that my ankles had been burnt (more like incinerated) yesterday. After completing the Su Doku from the day before I set about reading my book. I have read it before 4 years ago but enjoyed it so much that I thought I would re-read it. I normally only ever read about 15 - 20 books a year so I don't often get the time to re-read books, but this one is worth it. It may not be Bill's finest travel guide but the humour is in a different class from any of his other books. It truly is a laugh-out-loud piece of literature that make other people who are sat around you turn around and look at you or in extreme circumstances (such as when Bill is writing about the French) can induce them into enquiring whether there is a number they can phone to get the hospital to come and take you home. Reading it in a public place is probably not an activity recommended for the shy or image conscious.
So I had managed two days of overdraft stabilising money free days. I will try and keep this up. If I carry on like this, £400 might last me until Christmas.
On Monday morning Phil came up to my room wearing a rather worried look on his face. Our conversation went something like this....
Me: Hello
Phil: Did you put anything....well....embarrassing..... in the dustbin?
Me: Don't think so
Phil: Because I've just been to take the bin in (it should have been emptied on Monday mornings) and they hadn't collected the rubbish. I did notice that there was some strange shit in it.
Me: Strange shit....*thinks* no not me. What did you find?
Phil: Well the weirdest thing was a candy thong
Me: *thinks*..... no defo not mine.
Phil: I'd hoped not.
Me: Must be our chavo neighbours.
Phil: probably
Me: (thinks) Probably?????
How weird is that. A few things seem out of place:
1.) I am 100% certain that above mentioned thong was not mine and 99% sure that it was not Phil's, so it must have been put there by one of our neighbours. Which begs the question, why would you put something so embarrassing in your neighbours bin?
2.) If it was and edible thong then why is it in the bin??? Do you think it has a sell by date?
I spent the afternoon in Belmont park trying to revise for my professional exams which are in October (dedicated aren't I!). In the evening I went to see Batman Begins which was rather good fun. His batmobile is very cool. I want one of those!
posted by Nurton at 9:35 pm
6 Comments:
maybe it was less that it was out of date and more that it had been "used" - whatever that means.
Yuck
In any event I think we can rule out the neighbours at number 60 as the previous owners of said thong.
Dunno why Phil was embarrassed though, he's most likely had the most "experience" of such scraps of underwear that certainly neither provide any protection from the wind, nor hold in your stomach, Bridget Jones style.
Maybe the pants were left there by one of you legion of admirers. One of those drunken girlies who's name you can't remember maybe. You cad!
(I've been waiting to slip this in...) Anyway, I was at Twickenham on Saturday seeing U2, so it wasn't me.
Oooh, what else was in the bin? It could have been a passing party of marauding hen-party chavettes, depositing incriminating eveidence in random people's bins in order to avoid detection by spouses/ boyfriends/ girlfriends. That's the kind of thing I used to do when I was on one.
New NMW Rule: It is now prohibited for anybody to leave a comment which contains the words "Phil", "experience" and "thong". And while I about it, I'm banning "Bridget Jones" too!
Two Questions:
Is going to see U2 a fortnight before Live Aid 2 a little immoral?
Is going to see U2 immoral?
I don't know what else was in the bin as amazingly despite Phil's "contents update" I still had no urge to root through a rubbish bin. The two little chavs (proper chavs!) that play football in the alley out the back of our house always knock over our dustbin, so no doubt they will have seen the contents. I don't feel too bad about this as their chav parents (proper chavs) are my number 1 suspects for the edible thong deposit crime.
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