CNF Policy #3 - Religion
This morning I thought I would take advantage of my slightly less stressed state to have a somewhat less pagan Sunday so I toddle down to Church with Harry. This morning’s service included a full immersion baptism. Unfortunately the subject of the baptism had a slightly greater affinity with the aqueous solution he was being dunked in than the 'dunkers' were possibly expecting. Everything was OK at the end as they managed to recover the situation without him swallowing too much holy water.
This little event got me thinking* about the possibility of a really exciting albeit totally heretical reality TV show, such as 'When baptisms go wrong' or 'Extreme Baptism' (an extension on hugely popular sports such as extreme ironing.)
On the way home I was thinking about how my life will be a lot less stressful when I am a dictator under CNF rule. I also thought it was time to define some more CNF policies, so here is one, RELIGION:
- The official CNF religion will be the Extreme Anabaptists
I took professional advice before coming to this important decision from a very knowledgeable source, my sister-in-law Nat. She used to be (or maybe still is?) a religious education teacher, so she is overly qualified to be the official CNF religious policy adviser. We actually discussed this a long time ago (on my 22nd birthday if I remember correctly) and I can't remember why she suggested the Anabaptists, but there was a good reason. After some head scratching and a few bits of birthday cake, we decided also to add "Extreme" to the title. One of the key pieces of Extreme Anabaptist dogma would be 'Extreme Baptism':
This essentially would be the initiation ceremony for any new member of the church. The baptism would (in theory) involve no "dunking". Instead it would take place in a 20x20 meter size pool. The applicant would be made to walk from one end to the other. The catch is that the Extreme Anabaptist’s will be the only church to have a baptism pool with "dangerous undercurrents". If the baptisee makes it to the other side without being sucked under then they are proven to be holy. This could potentially be seen as a modern day adaptation and enhancement of olden days (pre 1983) practices such as 'Ducking the Witch'
Of course there will be other parts to the religion, which no doubt Nat will kindly fill in for me. But this should give you a good overall idea of the kind of faith we are looking for!
* Aside: Even though it was an interesting and well presented sermon, I was still thinking about something else, does everybody do this in church???
This little event got me thinking* about the possibility of a really exciting albeit totally heretical reality TV show, such as 'When baptisms go wrong' or 'Extreme Baptism' (an extension on hugely popular sports such as extreme ironing.)
On the way home I was thinking about how my life will be a lot less stressful when I am a dictator under CNF rule. I also thought it was time to define some more CNF policies, so here is one, RELIGION:
- The official CNF religion will be the Extreme Anabaptists
I took professional advice before coming to this important decision from a very knowledgeable source, my sister-in-law Nat. She used to be (or maybe still is?) a religious education teacher, so she is overly qualified to be the official CNF religious policy adviser. We actually discussed this a long time ago (on my 22nd birthday if I remember correctly) and I can't remember why she suggested the Anabaptists, but there was a good reason. After some head scratching and a few bits of birthday cake, we decided also to add "Extreme" to the title. One of the key pieces of Extreme Anabaptist dogma would be 'Extreme Baptism':
This essentially would be the initiation ceremony for any new member of the church. The baptism would (in theory) involve no "dunking". Instead it would take place in a 20x20 meter size pool. The applicant would be made to walk from one end to the other. The catch is that the Extreme Anabaptist’s will be the only church to have a baptism pool with "dangerous undercurrents". If the baptisee makes it to the other side without being sucked under then they are proven to be holy. This could potentially be seen as a modern day adaptation and enhancement of olden days (pre 1983) practices such as 'Ducking the Witch'
Of course there will be other parts to the religion, which no doubt Nat will kindly fill in for me. But this should give you a good overall idea of the kind of faith we are looking for!
* Aside: Even though it was an interesting and well presented sermon, I was still thinking about something else, does everybody do this in church???
posted by Nurton at 4:38 am
7 Comments:
Extreme Anabaptists? I don't remember that conversation (conversion?) at all. What is the difference between an Anabaptist and a regular baptist anyway? I could tell you all about the five pillars of Islam and the HIndu trimurti, but RE to GCSE doesn't require such a detailed knowledge of random branches of Protestantism and I was never inclined to find out more than I needed to know to teach it and answer the occasional question. Mind you, now I have the time and broadband, I might well look it up yet.
Aside: Yes.
No, it was definitely your idea. I don't have time to research such things at the moment, so I'll leave it in your capable hands.
If you are still doing cover teaching for RE classes, maybe you could set your class the assignment:
"If you had to design a religion for a semi-evil but compassionate dictatorship what would it be and why?"
Anabaptists don't like infant baptism and don't believe in being involved with public office or jury service. Sounds like it could be a useful state religion! They already are quite extreme... they want women to cover their heads! www.anabaptists.org is a great read. As to the difference between anabaptists and baptists, I think it's got something to do with the doctine of justification by faith. I really couldn't get my head around it and not very much of me actually gives a toss anymore, because the websites weren't exciting enough. Fickle aren't I?
Good question for the kiddies, by the way. Somehow I don't think it'll be a question on the exam paper I'm marking this year. Shame.
Maybe you should be an evil marker this year and mark the papers as if the question was "Design a religion for a semi-evil...." rather than what they actually asked. Therefore the most imaginative students will do best. And as everybody knows, students these days are not nearly imaginative as they should be, as they are always being boring and learning stuff by rope from textbooks rather than using their noddle! What do you think? Will it pass the moderators?
'Learning stuff by rope', Noel?! Do tell me more about this intriguing string-related study technique...
Sometimes when I think "t" I press "p" on the keyboard. It must be another symptom of my self diagnosed dyslexia.
Which reminds me, last night I asked the question; "If you get a dyslexic person drunk, do they start to put words the in the correct order when they speak/type?" - Possibly an excuse for me to be pissed at work for the rest of my life!
Yes. Valid issue.
Today my fingers got transposed on the keyboard, and instead of writing a dull e-mail about "source code", I instead created an exciting new concept of "spice code".
Except no, wait. That's an actual language :(
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