Somebody please cheer me up
Yesterday I was talking to Nick about life after uni. The conversation went a bit like this:
Nick: "When do you think I'll get married?"
Me: "How old are you?"
Nick "20"
Me: "Oh, you'll defo be married before you are 23"
Nick: "Yeah, hopefully"
Me: "What about me?"
Nick: "When did your brother get married?"
Me: "When he was 32"
Nick: "Well you'll be at LEAST 32 before you get married"
Me: "Hmmm, why do you say that"
Nick: "'Cause it's true"
So later when downstairs in the kitchen I thought I would ask Phil and his girlfriend what they thought:
Me: "When do you think I'll get married?"
Phil&Natterbox: "Why do you ask?"
Me: "Because Nick said something horrible to me earlier"
Natterbox: "Well, probably about 33ish"
Me: "Oh!"
So I thought I would get my revenge (although rather unfairly on Phil not Nat)
Me: "So Phil, when are you and Nat going to get married?"
Phil: *angry look at me*
Me: *exits stage left, quickly*
And just to prove it wasn't a fluke, the night was rounded off with this conversation:
Me: "What's the earliest you reckon I'd have a chance of get married?"
Harry: "I dunno..... mid thirties?"
So either I have some kind of label that shouts to everybody that I am of non-marital material, or Nick had prepped everybody to say the same thing to me just to wind me up.
I asked Kat about it today as we were walking back from campus. I was hoping she would tell me that they were just being nasty and that I was very "marriable" but instead she just laughed.
"Here I am, personality the size of a planet and I have to spend the next 10 years with just my brain for company!"
Nick: "When do you think I'll get married?"
Me: "How old are you?"
Nick "20"
Me: "Oh, you'll defo be married before you are 23"
Nick: "Yeah, hopefully"
Me: "What about me?"
Nick: "When did your brother get married?"
Me: "When he was 32"
Nick: "Well you'll be at LEAST 32 before you get married"
Me: "Hmmm, why do you say that"
Nick: "'Cause it's true"
So later when downstairs in the kitchen I thought I would ask Phil and his girlfriend what they thought:
Me: "When do you think I'll get married?"
Phil&Natterbox: "Why do you ask?"
Me: "Because Nick said something horrible to me earlier"
Natterbox: "Well, probably about 33ish"
Me: "Oh!"
So I thought I would get my revenge (although rather unfairly on Phil not Nat)
Me: "So Phil, when are you and Nat going to get married?"
Phil: *angry look at me*
Me: *exits stage left, quickly*
And just to prove it wasn't a fluke, the night was rounded off with this conversation:
Me: "What's the earliest you reckon I'd have a chance of get married?"
Harry: "I dunno..... mid thirties?"
So either I have some kind of label that shouts to everybody that I am of non-marital material, or Nick had prepped everybody to say the same thing to me just to wind me up.
I asked Kat about it today as we were walking back from campus. I was hoping she would tell me that they were just being nasty and that I was very "marriable" but instead she just laughed.
"Here I am, personality the size of a planet and I have to spend the next 10 years with just my brain for company!"
posted by Nurton at 3:26 am
22 Comments:
Don't know what you're worried about. As I have repeatedly said, once you emigrate to Australia (leaving us Pommy bastards behind ;)) you'll settle down and marry a girl called Sheila, change your name to Bruce and spend all day drinking tinnies and eating bbqs. I predict this will happen by the age of 26, and by 32 you will have a plethora of brucie-juniors!
Nurton, you hit it on the head! You do have a personality the size of a planet. It's surprising you want to get married... With your schedule and studies (and weekend fun), you look like a guy who would rather be a bachelor!
So okay, friends of Nurton, find him a lovely girl and help make him happy!!
Well, I never said I wanted to get married, it's more that I object to be written off for the next 10 years. 30 is old.
Diggs said "eating bbqs"
Homer says "mmmmmm charcoaly"
Ahem. Just to set the record straight: you didn't say 'when do I have a chance of getting maried', you said 'when am I likely to get married'. There is a big difference.
I have 2 main reasons for saying early 30's (EARLY, not mid).
#1 you seem to be having faaaar too much fun being a bachelor at the moment, what with jetting off to Oz an' all.
#2 you remind me greatly of my future-brother-in-law, who is getting married at (you guessed it) 30. To a woman who is 24, and very sexy if you ask me.
The sort of woman you want to marry (rather than have as a girlfriend) is going to appreciate a man with a mature outlook on life, a good job, probably his own house, and who ISN'T a CHILD.
There's nought wrong with getting married at 30 - enjoy yourself while you're young! 8oP
But 30 is the new 18! I think whether a person is 20, 40 or __?, it's what you've accomplished in life that counts. I'm in my early 40's (gasp) and yet the number doesn't bother me at all. My failures and mistakes... now that bothers me.
And I say all this from the heart of LA (okay, actually just a comfy suburb). So you know, maybe I'm just trying to one-up the neighbors. Acknowledge my age. It's the most rebellious thing I can think of.
Hey, speaking of age and wrinkles, check out this FUN website:
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/
They target a variety of people... Victoria Beckham, Madonna, Catherine Z-Jones, Renee (thinks she's English) Zellweger. Michael Caine. Alot of Americans too, of course, but you'll recognize some of the faces!
"30 is old." Nurton, you are dangerously close to losing one of your biggest fans.
And, vermont neighbor, "friends of Nurton, find him a lovely girl and help make him happy!!" Let's focus our energies on someone who IS CURRENTLY 32. Let's find a lovely boy for bandick so she can stop going on terrible dates.
Nurton, I'm with Diggs on this one - I can definitely see you getting down to some serious breeding Down Under.
Anyway, let's be honest - 26 is the earliest a bloke should get married. Allowing for your high standards let's say you'll meet Miss Right around the 29 mark - hey presto, you're 32, wealthy, successful and proud father to brand new bouncing mini-Nurton!
Lovely.
OK, I'm sorry! When I said "30 is old" it was aimed at my brother (trying to get a response as I know he reads this but rarely comments). What I meant to say was "30 is a long way away". I am quite looking forward to being that age, then at least my semi-grey hair wouldn't look so out of place!
Do you think they'll let me through immigration if I write on the entry card "serious breeding" under the section "Planned Activities"?
Forgiven.
I anticipate reading about the Nurton Proof Fence in a few years time.
Nurton, rest assured, there is life after becoming a eunuch. Unless that's not what you meant by uni . . .
>> let's find a lovely boy for bandick so she can stop going on terrible dates
bandick-- what guys and qualities are good? Continue this idea over at your site! Horrible dates should be endured by no one.
Let's see a checklist... what Man qualities *are* you looking for?
nurton said...
OK, I'm sorry! When I said "30 is old" it was aimed at my brother (trying to get a response as I know he reads this but rarely comments)
nurton senior said...
My fingers aren't what they were you know, I can't just whizz a reply like you youngsters can.
20-30 - enjoy yourself. Leave the responsibility/family stuff for when your body starts to creak when you enjoy yourself too much...
Bandick: Nurton Proof Fence - genius. Alternatively, perhaps they will introduce Nurtonmatosis.
Hmmmm. "Nurtonmatosis", doesn't sound like a bundle of laughs. A fence is a lot less scary. I vote for the fence.
A Nurton-proof fence? You know he would be selling tickets to the locals and buying his way out while charming the entire crowd. The man is clearly fearless! Unstoppable by metal fences and radar and such things...
Remember Leo in Catch Me If You Can?
Noel, maybe the Nurton-proof fence would have gates where it crosses a road, like in Bots, where everyone has to get out and walk over a disinfectant sponge and dig around in their rucksack for their other shoes to disinfect them too - considering the vigilance of the guards, you could probably affect a discreet escape.
You're too young!
Maybe its culture, but most cases of 23-year old marriage in america spawn from suprise pregnancy or an unanticipated turn of events in Vegas preceeded by, "You know what would be funny. . . ?
Mark, Yeah I was always tempted to do something like that in Bots. I always thought it would be funny to declare myself infected with Foot and Mouth then touch one of the guards on the shoulder, run around like a mad man, shouting "You've got the lurgie!"
I've never thought about the possibility of Vegas, but good idea.
Nick said this to me today: "I'm glad you [nurton] don't have a girlfriend"
Woe is me.
I feel it is time that I defend myself and shed some TRUTH on all the horrid and totally unfounded things Nurton is saying about me!
That last comment, for example, was taken TOTALLY out of context. Although, admittedly, I did say I was glad he didn't have a girlfriend, I didn't actually mean that I wanted him to be sad and lonely until he was 32, but merely that I was glad (considering that my bedroom is next to his, with the bedheads on adjacent wall) that I was not likely to be subjected to any unwelcome noises in the middle of the night.
Humph
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