A few interesting things
This weekend I have been back in Surrey visiting my parents, which as you might have guessed from the slow down in blogging activity is not hugely exciting. Two things that I have noticed have made me chuckle so I thought I would share them with you.
Firstly while procrastinating this morning I was tidying some of the junk in my room when I came across my Emergency First Aid handbook for staff working on electrical equipment up to 25,000 volts AC. As I have completely forgotten everything I learnt on my last first aid course (over 18 months ago now) and yet still masquerade as a qualified first aider at work, I thought I would have a quick look at the booklet before throwing it back on the ‘random stuff’ pile. To be honest I have never read the booklet before, but I should have, not only for the obvious informative value but because the people who wrote it are comedy geniuses. A few bits that stood out were:
- On ‘A casualty suffering a heart attack’
- Recognition Features:
- The usual….. breathlessness, blue lips, rapid pulse becoming weaker….. etc
- AND “A sense of impending doom”
I would say that given my current life situation (less than 2 weeks from my final exams) I suffer from a ‘sense of impending doom’ at least 5 times a day, yet had never considered that this was due to my highly fatty diet or possible electrocution and not (what I had suspected) my lack of academic work over the last 3 year. Amazing……you learn something new each day!
It also had a section on ‘The casualty who has suffered burns or scalds’:
- Recognition features:
- The usual….. fluid loss, swelling, blistering
And two extras for the slightly slower witted first aiders: ‘Redness’ (that will be the flames then???) and my favourite…. ‘Singeing of hair’
So the next time you see somebody in distress who has their hair on fire it is important that you REMEMBER to go and check that them over in case they have suffered any burns or scalds. No shit!
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My father has had a long held unsatisfied fantasy of becoming a farmer from a young age. Unfortunately he took a wrong turn somewhere on the ‘road of life’ and instead became a secondary school mathematics teacher. He tries in a small way to relive his dreams now he is retired by spending all his time growing vegetables in the back garden and spending his pension on things that have names like ‘hoe’ and ‘compost additive’. He also subscribes to a magazine called ‘Smallholdings monthly’ which is basically about farms and chickens. I noticed on the back page of the latest copy (sitting on a shelf above my parent’s toilet (the book was sitting there, not me!)) an advert for……
‘Flat pack tractors’
Yes these are fully working, full sized agricultural, 4 wheel drive tractors. I can’t think why you would want your tractor flat packed, but I have come up with a possible idea:
- Women, next time your boyfriend’s birthday comes round, order a flat packed tractor. Watch as he sees the 5 inch by 50 inch by 50 inch box, and rolls his eyes assuming you have once again got him a self assembly ‘his and hers dressing table’ for his present. Then enjoy the look of total joy on his little face when he removes the plastic wrapping ties and discovers that actually you have got him the best present any boy could wish for, essentially a humongous Lego kit which when finished will allow him to have hours of fun wreaking havoc in the garden while having races with his friends who have also been given a tractor present. Perfect.
Even if Women don’t buy these as presents, men will buy these because aside from the clear magical achievement of fitting a full kit tractor with working engine in a box smaller than a Tardis, the advertiser has clinched the sale by including in the advert pictures of scantly dressed women piloting the finished tractors. A male fantasy if ever there was one!
Firstly while procrastinating this morning I was tidying some of the junk in my room when I came across my Emergency First Aid handbook for staff working on electrical equipment up to 25,000 volts AC. As I have completely forgotten everything I learnt on my last first aid course (over 18 months ago now) and yet still masquerade as a qualified first aider at work, I thought I would have a quick look at the booklet before throwing it back on the ‘random stuff’ pile. To be honest I have never read the booklet before, but I should have, not only for the obvious informative value but because the people who wrote it are comedy geniuses. A few bits that stood out were:
- On ‘A casualty suffering a heart attack’
- Recognition Features:
- The usual….. breathlessness, blue lips, rapid pulse becoming weaker….. etc
- AND “A sense of impending doom”
I would say that given my current life situation (less than 2 weeks from my final exams) I suffer from a ‘sense of impending doom’ at least 5 times a day, yet had never considered that this was due to my highly fatty diet or possible electrocution and not (what I had suspected) my lack of academic work over the last 3 year. Amazing……you learn something new each day!
It also had a section on ‘The casualty who has suffered burns or scalds’:
- Recognition features:
- The usual….. fluid loss, swelling, blistering
And two extras for the slightly slower witted first aiders: ‘Redness’ (that will be the flames then???) and my favourite…. ‘Singeing of hair’
So the next time you see somebody in distress who has their hair on fire it is important that you REMEMBER to go and check that them over in case they have suffered any burns or scalds. No shit!
-------------------
My father has had a long held unsatisfied fantasy of becoming a farmer from a young age. Unfortunately he took a wrong turn somewhere on the ‘road of life’ and instead became a secondary school mathematics teacher. He tries in a small way to relive his dreams now he is retired by spending all his time growing vegetables in the back garden and spending his pension on things that have names like ‘hoe’ and ‘compost additive’. He also subscribes to a magazine called ‘Smallholdings monthly’ which is basically about farms and chickens. I noticed on the back page of the latest copy (sitting on a shelf above my parent’s toilet (the book was sitting there, not me!)) an advert for……
‘Flat pack tractors’
Yes these are fully working, full sized agricultural, 4 wheel drive tractors. I can’t think why you would want your tractor flat packed, but I have come up with a possible idea:
- Women, next time your boyfriend’s birthday comes round, order a flat packed tractor. Watch as he sees the 5 inch by 50 inch by 50 inch box, and rolls his eyes assuming you have once again got him a self assembly ‘his and hers dressing table’ for his present. Then enjoy the look of total joy on his little face when he removes the plastic wrapping ties and discovers that actually you have got him the best present any boy could wish for, essentially a humongous Lego kit which when finished will allow him to have hours of fun wreaking havoc in the garden while having races with his friends who have also been given a tractor present. Perfect.
Even if Women don’t buy these as presents, men will buy these because aside from the clear magical achievement of fitting a full kit tractor with working engine in a box smaller than a Tardis, the advertiser has clinched the sale by including in the advert pictures of scantly dressed women piloting the finished tractors. A male fantasy if ever there was one!
posted by Nurton at 4:29 am
1 Comments:
I have been rather optimistically writing a birthday list this week (optismistic because my birthday is at the end of September) but now that can be scrapped because oh sweet Lord I want a flat-pack tractor! Seriously, I will wear socks that are 80% holes and blow my nose on my sleeve for my 24th year if everyone who is planning on getting me a present would instead attribute to the Flat-Pack Tractor Trust Fund.
PS I also have a secret fantasy about becoming a farmer. Interesting.
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